first impressions

The garden was ugly. It had been ugly for as long as Alessi could remember, overgrown and forgotten. In her childhood years she’d spent time there periodically, disappearing into its wild undergrowth, playing pretend, and returning with cuts and scrapes on her skin. She’d enjoyed that sort of thing once. That was before she realized her mother beat the poor people tasked with keeping her safe if she showed up to dinner with so much as a bruise.

Today, the garden had grown exponentially. Vines roped around trees, thorns stabbed out of dying rose bushes too unkempt for flowers. She’d never questioned the garden’s existence in her earlier years. But looking at it now, Alessi realized how unusual it was that such a thing had a place here at the palace. Everything else was regulated, beautiful and pristine. But it seemed this garden had somehow fallen through the cracks, forgotten. It was along a wall that led to the cliffs of Egress. A small courtyard that had been abandoned, left to be wild. Alessi had forgotten about it too. Gone were the days she roamed the castle, trying to escape her guards and handmaids.

Apparently, however, the garden was not as forgotten about as she’d always thought. Fenec, Alessi’s cousin and the closest thing she had to a father, had sent her here this afternoon with instructions. She was to take some time for herself—away from her studies and projects and meetings. It was a kind sentiment, but a strange one. Fenec knew she had no off switch. And gardening? Since when had Alessi ever shown any interest in plants? How could she focus on shrubbery when people in the wilds were being slaughtered by the wild born ascari?

He refused to take no for an answer, and so Alessi found herself here. On top of her new surroundings, he’d informed her that a new guard would be taking the place of Sienne, who had been her personal guard for the last two years. The entire situation was maddening—gardens and new help. Things Alessi did not have time for.

She sighed and walked over to a tree she’d climbed several times as a young girl, and brushed her fingers along its bark. It was bigger now, rougher and with sticky vines affixed to its craggy surface. She looked around her. where to start?

Though he didn't show it outwardly, Rhys was still reeling from this new assignment: He was apparently now the personal guard to Princess Alessi. Why me? When he had asked that question of Thoth after Lord Fenec had departed, Thoth had told him it was because he was a good warrior and a loyal servant. That he should be honored to be entrusted with such an important task.

But...I'm wild-born, Rhys had thought. Surely there were ascari of noble descent who the Empress would prefer to have guard her daughter. But he knew better than to continue questioning his orders. Thoth was more patient than the Egressian nobles when faced with questions, but he still had his limits, and Rhys didn't want to cross them.

So here he was. The royal palace of Sortiel. Eponine, the captain of the royal guards and Rhys' new direct superior, had shown him around and explained his new role in detail. She gazed at him suspiciously as she did so, as if she too was wondering what on earth he was doing there. It felt wrong, like he was being tricked or tested somehow.

At last they arrived at the gardens where Princess Alessi awaited them. "Princess," Eponine said, bowing as they approached. Rhys naturally followed suit. The princess was around his age, pretty, and dressed in finery. Exactly what one would expect from a princess. "This is Rhys. He will be taking over the duties of Ser Sienne in the wake of her retirement."

Alessi smiled at the captain. “Thank you,” she said. “I’m glad you were able to find me here in this mess...I’d forgotten it existed.” She held her hands up, gesturing around in mock despair. “A pretty place for a Princess, right?” she laughed lightly, a musical bell sound she’d taught herself.

She caught a glimpse of her new personal detail, and sucked in a breath. A red armband looped around his bicep. This man was an ascar. She stared at the band for a beat too long, confused. Fenec would not have assigned her an ascar, surely. There had to be a mistake.

She looked up to his eyes, and found him searching her just as thoroughly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m sorry, forgive me, what was your name again?” she asked, reigning herself in and smiling. Though it was unusual for Alessi to be in such close contact with someone like him, she would not be rude.

"Nonsense," Eponine said, laughing along with Princess Alessi. "Your garden is lovely."

The princess then turned to him. She stared at the armband of his uniform for a bit too long, which didn't escape his notice. She didn't know. Why wouldn't Lord Fenec or someone have told her? Just another way this situation was far too strange.

She was courteous, at least. Even if she was feigning it, he didn't mind. "It's Rhys, Princess," he said. "It's an honor to serve you."

Eponine, apparently satisfied with this introduction, gave a parting bow to the princess before turning on heel to leave. Rhys waited to see if Princess Alessi would have orders for him, or if she would prefer to pretend he didn't exist.

People were always complimenting Alessi where no compliments were due. If the captain had wanted to flatter her, she should have mentioned the dress that she was wearing. Unsuitable for gardening unfortunately, but beautiful nonetheless. She made a mental note to ask Delly, a handmaid with deft fingers and a sense of style, to whip her up something more practical for this new assignment.

She looked around again and sighed. How could someone even begin to restore this place? It seemed impossible, and she did not know the first thing about any of it.

Then there was the new guard to think about. He stood tall like a good soldier, quietly observing. Having him here was unnerving. Not because he was watching her—that was something she’d gotten over years ago—but because the silent threat of him hung over the garden like a heavy humidity. He was an ascar. Some part of him had raw power, and Alessi had no idea what his ascarya might be. Perhaps it would be better to keep him busy so Alessi could keep an eye on him as well. She knew nothing about this man.

“You wouldn’t happen to know anything about gardening, would you?” Alessi asked Rhys. She didn’t look at him as she spoke, afraid that her overactive mind would betray her by showing her unease.

For a moment it seemed that Princess Alessi was going to pretend he didn't exist, but then without looking at him she said:

You wouldn't happen to know anything about gardening, would you?

Huh. He didn't know the first thing about gardening.

He looked around. He didn't even know what a palace garden was meant to look like. Some of the plants looked brown and dead; others, green and sprawling. "No, I don't," he finally said after a too-long pause. His answer was probably unsatisfactory, so he added, "But I can try to help if you tell me what to do."

Alessi let out another musical laugh. “If I am being honest, I have no idea where to start.” She glanced at him for a moment before looking away. “Perhaps clearing away some of the dead stuff,” she offered, not sounding very commanding or sure.

“I promise, if I’d been told what I’d be doing today I would have done a little research.” She was embarrassed by her lack of knowledge. She was usually a pro at delegating work, but how could she be expected to know anything about the task at hand?

Perhaps clearing away some of the dead stuff.

That he could do. Rhys wasted no time in getting to work, kneeling down beside a twisted, gnarled mess of vines and thorns that had a few shriveled brown rosebuds, tugging at it with his hands and cutting at the knots with a small knife he carried. He chose this plant to start because it looked like the most difficult one, and he didn't want the princess cutting herself on the thorns. He could probably clear it away in mere minutes with his ascarya, but he didn't dare try without a direct order from the princess.

I promise, if I’d been told what I’d be doing today I would have done a little research.

He couldn't help but wonder why she, Princess Alessi of the Empire of Egress, was being made to do something she didn't want to do. Who could even give orders to a princess? Her mother, he supposed, but why? He was so curious, but he hesitated to ask. Nobles hated being questioned by their inferiors, and royals probably even more so. But Princess Alessi seemed kind so far.

"May I be permitted to ask you something, Princess?" he said tentatively. When she presumably said yes, he steeled himself for an angry response and asked, "Why were you given this task alone? Aren't there others who can help as well?"

He tugged at a particularly difficult knot of thorns, and tossed it onto the cobblestone path behind him when it gave way.

It seemed Rhys was not one for small talk as he quickly began doing as she asked, ripping at a long-dead rose bush. Alessi watched him and wondered briefly if he had expected clearing an ancient garden to be on his to-do list today.

After a while of Rhys arms deep in thorny branches and Alessi tugging mindlessly on ivy while wishing she had a piece of parchment to scribble a thought about the farming community outside of Piacae, the soldier finally spoke.

Why were you given this task alone? Aren’t there others who can help as well?

She paused. She’d wondered this herself—questioned Fenec when he’d asked her to do it this morning. His answer had been that she’d needed something peaceful to help calm her mind. He didn’t know about the panic attacks she had at night when she was alone, but he’d always been concerned about her ferocity in the way she threw herself at her work. And maybe that’s all this was...a thoughtful but misguided attempt at giving her time for herself. Yet, Alessi could not shake the feeling that this was, well, not a punishment, per say, but a plan to keep her out of the way.

Alessi had spoken up at the last grand council meeting she’d sat in on, her ideas in direct defiance of her cousin on an issue. He’d talked her down, and Alessi had retreated to her rooms, working on a way to resolve it. Something told Alessi that he wanted her busy, not resting. He knew her well enough to know she’d need to make the garden perfect, and the garden he’d chosen would take plenty of both time and energy.

She smiled. “It was a garden I enjoyed in my youth. My cousin thought I would like seeing it thriving.” She looked around. “You’re right about needing help, though. Luckily, we will have all the assistance we need.” She looked at the pile of dead branches laying on the path, a visual representation of what Rhys had been able to accomplish. He was strong and diligent. At least she’d been assigned someone capable, even if she did need to keep a close eye on him.

“I’ll read about gardens tonight, and come up with a plan.”

"Your cousin," Rhys repeated. Growing up, he had only been taught what he needed to know in order to carry out orders effectively. While gardening had not been one of those things, the identity of his masters and how they were related had been. "That's Lord Fenec, right?"

Another source of curiosity. Lord Fenec, the strangely kind and caring noble who had given him this strangely prestigious task. So he was the one powerful enough to give orders to a princess?

I’ll read about gardens tonight, and come up with a plan.

"I'll assist you however I can," he said, getting down to the stump of the bush. He tugged, but it stayed stubbornly rooted in the ground. "However you see fit for me to, I mean."

Alessi nodded. Fenec was also the one that had assigned an ascar to be her personal guard. That was still a mystery to her, but one she didn’t care to puzzle out in front of the ascar himself. She tucked the question away, sitting on a weathered stone bench, and looking down at her dress. It was dirty and had a small tear on one side. She frowned.

“Perhaps we should come back tomorrow,” she said after Rhys promised to help however she needed him to. He tugged on a stump, arching his back and pulling hard. It refused to budge, and Rhys eventually stood up, straightening his back and wiping sweat from his brow.

Alessi watched his body, all muscle and hard work. He was attractive, she thought. She’d never thought of ascars that way, had considered them too other, but then again, she’d never been around one for this long. He was agreeable, too. Nothing like what she’d been expecting when she first noticed his military band.

“Would you like some water?” she asked him. She held a canteen out to him.

He momentarily gave up on ripping up the roots, slightly frustrated. He'd have to dig around it. His ascari insticts were shouting at him to just use his ascarya to burn the stump to ashes where it sat, but he knew better.

Perhaps we should come back tomorrow.

He wanted to keep at it. "As you say," he said instead.

Would you like some water?

He blinked and turned to her, staring blankly at the canteen in her hand. Was this a test? Was he meant to refuse? He was thirsty, and she seemed earnest...Hesitantly, he reached out and took it from her. "Thank you, Princess."

She waited while he took a drink, and then held up a hand when he tried to give it back. “It’s yours.” He needed it more than her, and she wasn’t sure she should drink after him, anyway.

She stood. “I’m going to the library,” she told him. Then she remembered the way she was dressed. “Let me amend, I am going to change out of this disaster,” she said, grimacing and gesturing at her dress, “and then I am going to the library.”

He’d been instructed to follow her, she assumed. She wondered if he would do it at a distance or if he would try to walk with her. Make it less strange. It depended on the guard, how they would fulfill what was part of their duty to keep her safe. Some made small talk, others were silent and constantly searching for danger. It always took a few weeks for things to feel normal again after guard change.

Rhys looked at the princess when she gestured at her dress, and then quickly looked away. It would not be good for him if she decided he was looking at her for too long, or with any less-than-innocent thoughts.

He followed her wordlessly into the labyrinth of halls and walls that was the inner palace. Everything was so ornate and decorative, in stark contrast to the bare, dreary walls of the army base. He couldn't take it in too much though, lest he get distracted.

He naturally waited outside the princess' chambers while she changed. Now he could look around a bit more. There was a tapestry hanging across from the wooden bedroom doors that depicted the Empress and a young Princess Alessi, made at least ten years ago. He figured he'd be standing here staring at this tapestry fairly often from now on. Besides the six hours he was given to sleep each night while another guard took over, he was to be within a few meters of the princess from here on out indefinitely.

She finally emerged, wearing a new gown that was somehow even finer than the first one. He wondered what she did with the old one. Throw it away? It had been a bit dirty, but still perfectly wearable. At the army base they'd reused and re-purposed everything.

When they got to the library he couldn't hide his amazement. Huge, vaulted ceilings that seemed to be as high as the sky itself. Lined wall-to-wall with shelves of leather-bound books, some stacked so high there were ladders needed to reach them.

"You are looking for a book about gardening, right?" he asked. He couldn't imagine how she'd find something so specific in this enormous collection. The books all looked more or less the same to him, just in differing shades of brown.

He’d followed closely behind, keeping quiet as he did. Delly helped her into her new gown, a navy colored thing with an intricately stitched silver pattern on its sleeves. She mentioned gardening clothes to her handmaid, and Delly smiled. She was always eager to whip up new creations for Alessi.

The library was large and sprawling, even to Alessi who spent a great deal of time here. There was no hard and fast guide to ruling an empire, but Alessi did her best with reading the stories and accounts of past rulers, wars, and tactics. She was nothing if not thorough.

She watched Rhys as he took in the magnificence of the room, and smiled. “Beautiful, right?” she asked. She was proud of what her ancestors had created, thankful that they’d so meticulously collected these tomes and left them here so beautifully displayed for future generations, for her, to enjoy and learn from.

“Gardening, yes,” she said, leading him over to a section she’d discovered when researching the farming problems to the east. He reached for a book about flowering bushes. “Oh, sorry, not that kind,” she corrected. She instead pulled out a book about summer vegetables. “Like this.” She offered it to him.

Fenec thought he’d preoccupy her with something menial, but Alessi refused to stop thinking about what he’d turned her down for. It was true that she was not an expert on harvesting crops, but that did not mean she couldn’t become one. If Piacae was having difficulty with their land no longer supporting their food, Alessi would help figure out why.

“After we rip it all out, I want to plant a vegetable garden.”

Rhys took the book from her, surprised at her willingness to apologize to him. It was a book about leafy green vegetables. Not many of the ascari soldiers could read, but Thoth had taught him a little bit. Rhys was going to be a ranking officer someday, Thoth had told him. That meant that unlike the average foot soldier, he would need to know how to read and write. He had learned alongside Thoth's daughter, Jes, who always glared at him with disdain anytime they were forced to interact.

And Thoth wants us to be matched together, he thought miserably, as Princess Alessi piled more books into his arms. Hopefully this new assignment made that less likely.

After we rip it all out, I want to plant a vegetable garden.

"That sounds," he searched for the right word, "practical."

“More practical than shrubbery,” she agreed. “Of course, I know nothing about what this will take, but I can learn.” She turned back to the shelves and grabbed more. Anything that even slightly pertained to the topic she slipped off the shelves and placed on one of the long wooden tables in this section.

“Tomorrow I’ll have a crew meet me there with tools. A shovel for the stumps. Axes. What else do you think we will need?”

"I don't know, Princess," he said, because he didn't. What he did know was that, if he could use his ascarya, he could have the garden cleared out quickly and cleanly, and with precision. He couldn't do it without permission, but Princess Alessi seemed quite amiable. Perhaps if he suggested it, she would allow it?

"If--if I may make a suggestion," he said slowly, tentatively. Even asking to use his ascarya could be a bad idea, but the princess' calm temperament had surprised him so far. "I could clear out the garden with my ascarya by myself, without any tools. With your permission, of course." He kept his eyes on the ground.

Whatever Alwssi has been expecting Rhys to say, that was not it. Her eyes grew wide as she was unable to hide her shock. Ascars, at least the ones in the palace, did not go around reminding people that they were dangerous.

They were alone in this library. Was he trying to subtly remind her of what he was capable of? It was one thing to see the ascari working, where they were a necessary part of society. Another thing completely to feel trapped by one. Alone.

She swallowed. “That will not be necessary,” she said, holding a book tightly to her chest. She walked to the table and picked a few more books, never turning her back to him. “You are not permitted to use your ascarya in the palace,” she said firmly. “It’s for military use only, you’ve been taught this, surely?”

She didn’t look up at him when she added. “Please help me carry these books.” There were several left on the table that she couldn’t carry herself.”

She would retreat to her rooms and he could wait outside.

"I..." He swallowed. He couldn't argue. He couldn't even explain himself. He had only wanted to help. To make things easier. "Yes, Princess. My sincerest apologies."

He didn't know why he felt so disappointed. He should have known that beneath all the courtesy and cordiality, she was still one of them. It had been foolish to think that the Egressian princess, of all people, would be different. If anything he should feel grateful her reaction hadn't been worse.

He lapsed back into silence and gathered up the remaining books.

She would feel safer in the hallway, she reminded herself as she walked briskly out of the library. People were always walking through the passageways. She wouldn’t be alone with him anymore.

She did feel better when they were walking through the hall, she found. Not quite as on edge. It was flustering, feeling unsafe with your own guard. It made her wonder, again. Why had Fenec assigned him to her?

When Alessi got to her rooms she turned to Rhys. “Wait here,” she told him, before disappearing inside. Guards were instructed not to enter Alessi’s rooms when they were given her details, but she felt the need to remind him. Inside she plopped the books down, and then returned to take the others from Rhys.

“Thank you,” she said, not looking at him. Then she disappeared inside again, not planning to leave until supper.